Author: thegraduatewife

Balanced Life? · Faith

What Does a Balanced Life Look Like? III (Faith)

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The below question and responses were compiled by fellow graduate wife reader, Laura Lee.  She surveyed several women on the journey and is sharing with us their answers. You can see her original post here, where she outlines her journey towards discovering the answers of a ‘balanced’ life during this season of being a graduate wife and beyond. This is part III of the ‘What does a balanced life look like?’ series.  Enjoy!

2) If developing and deepening your faith is important to you, how do you find time to do that with jobs, families, and supporting your grad student spouse? When do you take time and what do you do during that time?

  • Devotional time – this one has suffered greatly since my son’s birth. I used to put enormous pressure on myself about spending time reading my Bible, praying, etc…to the point where I was getting no sleep trying to do it all, and feeling like a bad mother and horrible wife, and frankly, that was true. I spoke to a mentor of mine – who has 5 grown adult children – and she basically said, “God extends grace to mothers.” For whatever reason, that put a new spin on things for me, and I didn’t look at it as such a chore. So now, I look for pockets of time in the day to reflect and pray – I find my runs to be a good time for that – and I usually read my Bible at night before I go to bed. And, by serving my family, I am serving God. I’m finding that God is meeting me right where I am in this current season of life – he sends little nuggets of truth my way all the time. I also listen to sermons when I run as well.

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  • I am far better at making time to run than to spend time with the Lord (I am willing myself not to delete that comment). That being said, I have found that my most ‘centered’ times are when I am running, so I will often listen to readings or sermons while running. Here are two sites I frequent for sermons:Tim Keller’s free sermons and Lyle Dorsett’s sermons (an old prof). Also, I enjoy using a study or commentary to guide my reading, like Tom Wright’s ‘for everyone’ series. I’m a school girl at heart, so I love filling in blanks and completing lists. It’s always been easier for me to read during the evening sometime, even though I’ve always wished it was the morning.

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  • I try to spend time with the Lord throughout my day.  I am the queen of “breath-prayers” which are just a sentence or two speaking to God.  It has been a challenge for me to have a set “quiet time” with the Lord where I’m not praying and doing something else…but it looks like I’m not alone.  I tend to pray in the shower and when I’m on walks with my son, or on the treadmill.  I also like to listen to sermons from our church back home when my son is napping.  My husband and I recently decided that we are going to spend an hour in the evenings, after our son goes to bed, reading the bible and praying together.  We used to do it before our son was born and started it up again.  I love the Psalms and Proverbs and enjoy reading those before I go to bed.
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  • I think I’ve mentioned this before but I am NOT a morning personal by nature.  Morning is not the best, freshest time for me to give a chunk of my time and attention to God.  So I often do this before bed (assuming I’m not passing out on my pillow exhausted from the day!)  Occasionally, and this is my favorite way to do this, I make myself a cup of tea and spend my daughter’s nap time reading/in prayer.  But mostly I just pray about 800 times a day… trying to include God in each small choice I make (and attitude I assume) all throughout each day.  My husband and I always pray together before we drift off to sleep.  I’m not big into ‘devotional’ style books but I do enjoy reading and there are lots of good books out there which challenge me to read the Bible in fresh, deeper ways and cause me to hear God’s voice in new ways too.
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  • Someone talked to me about ‘seasons’ when my first son was little bitty baby and I have to say that was the single best piece of knowledge I got about having kids and being on a graduate student schedule/lifestyle. Life comes at you in seasons and having little kids in your home is a season like none other! I can remember amazing times with the Lord sitting on my steps in our little flat in Cambridge while I was breastpumping in the middle of the night. BREASTPUMPING!!! As my friends in East Texas might say, ‘Who’da thunk it?’!   Regarding seasons, I do have to say about a year ago, when my last one was 2’ish, I realized that I was out of the ‘baby season’ but that my time with the Lord hadn’t progressed past that season. So I kind of had to kick start myself since I realized I was beginning to have more time to invest in spiritual disciplines again.   I’m a one book at a time kind of girl. I love to be absorbed in a good book and I read, read, read until I finish it. I find this is how I like to do my Bible study. Whatever we’re studying in church or my Monday Mums group, I like to just bury myself in it. So for example right now, I’m really looking forward to getting stuck into Isaiah as we go through the book in church. My husband is a biblical scholar so he will give me a good book to go along with whatever I happen to be into at the time and it helps me through the hard bits or historical stuff.  Also, I’m not really a ‘doer’ but more of a ‘be-er’, so I find passages like John 15 where Jesus tells us to ‘abide in Him’ really encouraging. I just want to be connected to Jesus. I want to interact with him, complain to him, talk in my head to him and rest with/in him. But I also want to be stretched by him. I’ve been learning over the last couple of years to allow the Holy Spirit to use my spiritual gifts in ways that I know are not my own ideas. Often times I find it really easy to operate while using my natural gifts. I even find it energizes me. But I’ve been praying that God would use my gifts (hospitality, mercy and giving) in supernatural ways to benefit his people and his kingdom. Last year I felt urged to call a friend and tell her I was bringing them dinner one night. I knew she was pregnant (and due soon) but I had no idea all 3 of her children had had the stomach bug and that she hadn’t slept in 3 nights! That meal was like a love letter to her from God. Then there was a time I felt God lead me to buy one of my best friends back in the states some make-up. I obeyed (with trepidation wondering how I was going to explain to my husband why I spent $80 on make-up for my friend miles and miles away), but then was astounded that she (who’s hubby is doing a PhD and they are on an extremely tight budget) had been praying specifically that God would send her some new make-up! My husband couldn’t argue with that! In fact, he rejoiced with me that his hard-earned money was used by God to love on our friend.  Sorry, that was kind of a tangent, but I’m very relational and to see my relationship with the Lord benefiting others is a real motivating factor for me.
Beauty and the Budget

Beauty and the Budget: Project Mirrors

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Celebrate! · Community

Celebrate. III

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Today, we celebrate friendship.

A  couple of weeks ago, a group of graduate wives gathered together on a slightly rainy English Sunday to celebrate a dear friend’s 30th birthday and the impending birth of her second child.

In honor of her, we wore beautiful hats (indoors, no less!), and ate delicious treats prepared by serving hands. We were able to love and bless her, the same way she does to us.

As I looked around the room, I couldn’t help but smile at this amazing group of women whose paths have crossed in England. And it struck me that this is what community is supposed to look like.

I know everyone left that afternoon, feeling grateful and loved and, overwhelmingly blessed.

So to our dear friend, LL: We are so glad to celebrate you and your friendship,  and the joy you’ve brought to our lives!

Balanced Life?

What Does a Balanced Life Look Like?: Part II (Exercise)

thegraduatewife1 Comment

The below question and responses were compiled by fellow graduate wife reader, Laura Lee.  She surveyed several women on the journey and is sharing with us their answers. You can see her original post here, where she outlines her journey towards discovering the answers of a ‘balanced’ life during this season of being a graduate wife and beyond. This is part II of the ‘What does a balanced life look like?’ series.  Enjoy!

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1) Part of living a balanced life includes a healthy amount of exercise.  How do you choose to exercise? When do you find it best to do it? How on earth do you make time for it?

  • Exercise – I try to run every other morning (M-W-F) around 6am, although sometimes earlier. I reserve Saturday mornings for longer runs and a later start. For the days I don’t run (I take Sunday off completely), I do a workout dvd at home. My son is normally awake by 530 or 6, so I normally get up with him, and then my husband is up by the time I’m headed out the door. When I return, my husband then usually leaves for his run. If I don’t workout, my stress levels are usually off the charts…so this is a must for me, no matter how hard or early. I have to stay healthy (mentally, physically & emotionally)!
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  • What helps me to exercise is by choosing a race to run and marking up my training schedule in my planner so that I do it (and I feel like I didn’t do my homework if I don’t do the day’s run – I’m a huge dork, girls). As for timing, it depends on my husband’s schedule. Sometimes in the morning (he’ll watch my daughter before heading to work), sometimes with my daughter in the afternoons (we have a stroller that ‘jogs’) and sometimes in the early evening (which means dinner is ready before I head out to run, and we eat and do the nightly routine when I get back). I am always thinking I should do some sort of strength training on top of jogging, but I don’t. I take a day off each week.
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  • I love exercise and try to squeeze it in whenever I get the chance.  I do a workout dvd on Monday and Thursday when my son is napping.  I tried to do it with him in the room but it didn’t work…he was pulling on and crawling under my legs and laughing.  Although, the sit-ups were probably good because he wanted to sit on my stomach…as for now I’ll stick to when he’s asleep.  I usually work out at the college gym on Wednesday and sometimes on the weekend.  We really like to have a “family outing” on Saturdays and go for a long walk around the city, to the park, etc.  We just got a bike seat for our son, so I’m looking forward to more cycling adventures on the weekends.  I also try to go for a walk with my son at least once a day.  He is taking one nap a day now so I usually go out with him in the morning to run errands, go to the outdoor market, etc.  If time permits I try to walk and not take the bus when I go into town, which is a pretty long walk.  Most days I take him outside to play in the afternoon.  He’s so active and being outdoors with him is so fun!  Our college has a playground and many places for him to run around and roam.  It’s really exercise enough just chasing my son!
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  • I exercise all the time because A) I have a toddler and B) I have no car.  Life is exercise to me.  I stay busy to stay fit.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no shape to be running marathons or anything, but that isn’t important to me at this point in my life.  I’m happy with the size/shape/weight/energy level I am.  However, the times in my life when I have been more fit (at times MUCH more fit) I have made sport/exercise part of my community/social time.  The time spent with friends working out (usually playing sports) fulfilled both relationship needs and exercise needs.  Double duty!  Plus I hate exercising for exercising’s sake.  But I love team sports.  I’m thrilled to sprint for a ball play after play, hour after hour for the sake of the next play and for the sake of a teammate.  If I had a 3 times weekly soccer/basketball game or tennis match and I had someone to watch my daughter, you can bet your buns I’d be there every time.
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  • I was really sporty in high school and have found working out a real challenge. I never had to think about ‘working out’ back in the day,  because I loved basketball so much…it wasn’t a chore, it was a joy and a passion. But here I am now, three kids in tow, and still not back to my ‘ideal’ size…. So I’ve started working out….though now it’s not about reaching that perfect size….it’s about feeling good and being confident that I’m being the best I can be.  And while it still is not my favorite thing, I am learning to love it because it injects some discipline into my life and it feels good to accomplish something difficult. I am finally going to finish P90X. I’ve started it probably 5 times over the last two years and this is my first time to complete it. HALLELUJAH! All stinkin’ 13 weeks of it. And I’ve got the guns to prove it. :) Joking. My kids are bigger so I find it easier to exercise when they’re around. They enjoy watching me and laughing at me. Most days I try to exercise before I pick up my older boys from school. I put my daughter down for a nap, eat some lunch while I watch a show and then I exercise just in the nick of time to pick the boys up at 3:05.
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Are you able to make time to exercise?  When and how do you do it?  Can you tell it makes a difference?
Shuga' Mommas

Shuga’ Mommas: Homemade Pizza Dough

thegraduatewife1 Comment

Written by Tori – a former graduate wife

re-posted from FoodLoveProject

.I truly love making homemade pizzas.  I get to have complete control over my ingredients, so I can use whole wheat flour if I’m feeling healthy, and I can use whatever toppings I happen to have on hand and throw them all together on a crust.  Also, I can make them any messy shape I want to, and call it “rustic”.  Plus, while I usually let the mixer do all the work, kneading by hand can be a great zone-out time.  Or, I can enjoy the time with my hubby doing the prep work when he is free from the library and on those late nights with hours of studying ahead, who doesn’t love homemade pizza?!

The Ingredients:

  • 2 1/4 teaspoons dry active yeast (or 1 packet)
  • 1 1/2 cup warm water (specifically, 120 degrees F. It needs to be warm enough to activate the yeast, but not hot)
  • 3 1/2 to 4 cups all purpose flour, plus additional for rolling
  • 2 teaspoons kosher salt
  • 1 Tablespoon honey
  • olive oil

The process: By hand or with a mixer

  • Pour the warm water into your mixing bowl, add honey, sprinkle the yeast, stir, and let it rest for 5 minutes
    • When you come back, the mixture should be frothy.
    • Sift half of the flour over the yeast mixture and mix just until smooth – with a wooden spoon or with your dough hook attachment.
    • Add salt and remaining flour.
    • If you are using a mixer with a dough hook attachment, turn the machine on medium speed and let it knead for about 5 minutes, or until it is very smooth.  If necessary, add more flour a tablespoon at a time so that the dough pulls away from the side of the bowl.  It should be tacky, but not wet enough to stick all over your hands.
    • If you are kneading by hand, lightly flour your counter or board, and knead by 1.) pressing out with the heel of your hand, 2.) folding the dough in half, and 3.) turning 1/4 of a turn. Repeat until the dough is very smooth (about 5 minutes)
    • Keep adding flour as necessary to prevent it from sticking all over your hands.  Add slowly, though! It should still be a little bit tacky.
    • Grease a bowl with olive oil and place the dough in the bowl to rest.  Cover with plastic wrap or a kitchen towel.
    • Let the dough rest in a dark place for about an hour and a half, or until it has doubled in size.
    • Once it has finished rising, punch out all the air and let it rest for 15 minutes (if you don’t let it rest, it will be way too elastic to form into a large crust).
    • Either divide it into 4 personal pizzas, or make a big one!  You can use a rolling pin, stretch it on your fists, push it out with your fingers…whatever you want.*if you find that the dough keeps springing back on itself, just walk away for 5 minutes, let it rest, and then come back and stretch it again.
    • Cover with toppings, drizzle the crust with olive oil to make it nice and golden, place on a hot pizza stone or a well oiled cookie sheet, and bake at 425 degrees F for 12 minutes.
    • ENJOY! Yumm

Balanced Life? · Children

What Does a Balanced Life Look Like?

thegraduatewife9 Comments

Written by Laura Lee – a current graduate wife

Summer is melting away faster than the popsicle I’ve been enjoying in the sunshine today. Time to think of a new season and fresh starts!  Giddy with the possibility of new, the resolutions begin. I find myself rattling off my usual list of all the aspects of my life I want to keep in balance. I welcome the opportunity to plan how “this term, we can get our act together.” Ha. I am starting to wonder what this elusive balance actually looks like.

Just google “balance” and you find oodles of crazy images of superhuman feats. Check out the photos above, for example.

These amazing yet completely superfluous feats of Chinese circus performers perfectly demonstrate that balance doesn’t equal simplicity.  These images struck me as a propos to this season of my life and the stress of keeping the plates spinning, not sure of which I can actually put down without the whole number coming to a crash.

Sure, everything is in balance (at least some of the time), but do I want my life to be in balance in a Chinese acrobat kind of way? Certainly the life of a graduate wife has its demands, but proper limits have a place, too. This is my plea for a simple life.

My husband is working while pursuing a doctorate full-time in Oxford. I’m a WAHM with a toddler and one on the way. I moonlight as a marketing consultant for two different companies while the baby sleeps. My family has a bizarre habit of wanting to eat everyday. Life is full.

But it’s not those occupational demands or our circumstances that make our days crazy or calm. I’m beginning to realize that peace and simplicity is a choice, not something that is handed to you—or not.

It’s in the attitudes I choose, the inspiration I uncover or ignore, the priorities and thoughts and conversations I pick to fill those moments and those hours that make the majority of my days, and—essentially—who I am.

Sure, it’s fun for people to ask “How do you do it all?” and feel some sense of accomplishment from the sheer number of things we are tackling in life right now. But we need to evaluate if we are carrying around more than is necessary– bordering on the ridiculous.  If so, what are my motivations. Approval? Security? Identity?

I’ve had the sense lately that I’ve been striving—but after what? To keep the plates spinning? I’ve done some serious evaluating of what things might need to go, what things I could do more efficiently, or by someone else, or in a simpler way. I want to strive after the things that  matter most to me—not just struggle to survive.

Do I really want my life to be a constant circus act, “in balance” but just barely, always flirting with dramatic collapse if one thing goes awry? I want to find the kind of balance that doesn’t call for a gaudy pink costume and isn’t performed for the sake of wowing the crowd. A grounded life, at home with my God and who He made me to be. Yes, I suppose I will need to keep at least some of the plates spinning, but I will try to cut back on the acrobatics.

I’m going to need help. I have no idea, really, how to simplify my life. In fact, on any given day, I have more things I’d like to add to it–a new friend I want to meet, a new language I want to learn, a place I want to visit, a book I want to write. There’s just not enough life to fit it all in at once. So, no easy solutions here. Just trying to keep it all in balance.

I’ve asked a few of my wise graduate wife friends how they manage to streamline their lives, in hopes of some inspiration. I life-hacked my way into their kitchens and day planners and daydreams in search of a few versions of normal. Their practical ideas for making life flourish on a daily basis encouraged me and I look forward to sharing some of their responses with you in the following weeks.

How do you do simplify life and keep your priorities in balance?

Inside Scoop

Inside Scoop Update

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Dear Graduate Wife Readers,

We’ve recently updated our Inside Scoop resource to include Durham, England and Bonn, Germany. We’d love to have more information (hint, hint American Graduate Wives) on other schools. Have a look here for information on the Inside Scoop; we’ll take any information you’ll provide to us. If you have any questions, email us at: thegraduatewife@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading!

Mandy & MC

Beauty and the Budget

Beauty and the Budget: Project ‘clip-on makeovers’

thegraduatewife1 Comment

So, I found some super cute vintage looking clip on earrings at the market the other day for .50p.  (If in the states look at yard sales or flea markets for the same).  Being on a graduate wife budget, I just couldn’t resist the price.  After about two wears, I realized they were a bit too heavy and large to enjoy wearing.  Instead of ditching them I did a few little DIY make-overs and voila! Fun, fabulous face-lifts for only 50p!  I decided to share a few of them and take a break from our home decorating series.  I hope you can enjoy some of the super easy DIY projects below!

Doing it Together (both in academia) · Marriage

The Graduate(s) Life

thegraduatewife3 Comments

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Written by Jessie – a current graduate wife and student

Our marriage has survived a double dose of the graduate life. In our three wonderful, hectic, beautiful, crazy, blessed years together, at least one of us has been in school nearly the entire time. We were married the summer before my senior year of college, and after I graduated we decided to move away and both go to graduate school. We started grad school at the same time, in separate programs. We’ve had twice the books, twice the papers, twice the financial burden, and twice the stress. But, we’ve also had something that a lot of graduate students miss out on—a partner, a spouse, and a best friend who really understands what you’re going through: Someone who will stay up late and help you design your education module because they know tomorrow night you will quiz them on their Hebrew vocabulary until your eyelids droop; A partner in crime who will gladly ditch their paper too to go see a movie, and then pay the price with you later as you both scramble to the end of the semester.

After two of the hardest years of my life, I finished my degree in May (can I get an AMEN please?!). I often tell my husband that my degree is as much his as mine, because I don’t think I would have made it through without his constant encouragement to keep going, when all I wanted to do (and let’s be honest, even when all I did do) was sit in the floor and cry. Now, it’s my turn to do the same for him—to see him through in his last year of his Master’s program and then beyond as he seeks out further opportunities for post-graduate study. I’m actually tickled to death at the thought of being a graduate wife and not a graduate student! I know that this means we will probably move away from friends (again), put more distance between ourselves and our families (again), and live in a country where we don’t even speak the language (for the first time). I know we will likely live hand to mouth, that it will probably be hard for me to find work, and that I will miss the comforts of home terribly. But I also know that we can survive, because we are in this together.

People often ask me how we did it, as if there’s some secret formula to make your marriage and your academic pursuits work together. I never have a good answer; the truth is that we’ve struggled through it day by day, and in the end just made it work. But along the way, I have learned a lot. I’ve learned that marriage is much sweeter when you are both more concerned with what you can give instead of what you can get. I’ve learned that sometimes you just need a break. The paper will still be there in an hour or two (or the dishes, or the laundry…trust me, none of it is going anywhere), so it’s ok to take a little time and actually enjoy yourself. In five years, I don’t think I’m going to look back and remember all the A’s I got in my classes, or how good my GPA was. I do think that I will look back remembering fondly all the times I spent goofing off with my husband, escaping with him for a walk outside, or lingering and talking over dinner together. And most importantly, I’ve learned that even though I’ve doubted almost every step of the way, God has been faithful. My faith is smaller than a mustard seed, but God still moves mountains.

I constantly ebb and flow between gratitude for the opportunity to learn and pursue our dreams and despair at the sheer stress and burden of it all. I find comfort in the other women I know who share this same path, comfort in a God who hears my every cry (and whine, and pout), and comfort in a marriage that has only been made stronger by the graduate life together. The graduate journey is not an easy one, no matter which side you are on, but it is a treasured one. I know that everything I’ve learned so far is but a drop in a very large bucket, and in that way I am always a “graduate”—always learning, always failing, always trying again, constantly being refined and reshaped. This journey is not finished with me yet, and I’m thankful. Because, as it turns out, I’m not finished with it either.

In your journey through graduate school, have you been the one pursuing the degree instead of your husband?  Have both of you?  What are some tips you’ve learned along the way?

Shuga' Mommas

Shuga’ Mommas: Iced Sugar Cookies

thegraduatewife2 Comments

Who doesn’t love a good sugar cookie? And, with the added bonus of icing?

I know I do. But, I love sugar. The love affair began at a young age, and although I’ve managed to reign it in quite a bit over the years (mostly because of a failing metabolism), I still enjoy probably more than my fair share.

I’ve tried several sugar cookie recipes, and have finally tweaked a foolproof one…. one that I love, and one that loves me back. And, you can never go wrong if you find a recipe that loves you back. You need all the lovin’ you can get when you’re a graduate wife.

SUGAR COOKIES

  • 1.5 cups of butter (Note: use real butter – yes, I have an obsession with using real butter)
  • 5 eggs
  • 2 cups of sugar
  • 1 tsp of vanilla extract
  • 2 tsp of baking powder
  • 1 tsp of salt
  • 4.5 cups of flour

With a mixer (hand or stand), cream butter and sugar till smooth.

Beat in eggs, vanilla, baking powder and salt. Add flour and combine. Cover and chill dough in refrigerator for 2 hours, or even overnight! (Note: for less mess, I use a glass/plastic bowl to do all my mixing in, slapping a lid on top so it goes straight from mixing into the fridge).

Once dough has chilled, roll dough onto floured surface into 1/4 inch to 1/2 inch thick. Use cookie cutters to cut into shapes. (The ones photographed below are from a recent baby shower).

Preheat over to 400F (200 C), and bake on ungreased cookie sheet for 5-7 minutes. Do not let them get brown.

Once cookies have baked, cool on racks or wax paper.  DO NOT ICE until completely cooled.

ICING

(I would like to point out that while I enjoy baking, I am less than amateur when it comes to icing and decorating cookies. I definitely think there is a cake/cookie decorating class in my future)!

  • 1.5 cups of confectioner’s sugar (or icing sugar in the UK)
  • 1 tsp of vanilla extract
  • a dash of almond extract (or if you prefer the icing to have a bit more of an almond flavor, add more – I usually add 1/2 tsp)
  • 3 tablespoons of butter
  • 1 tablespoon of milk (can add more, depending on the desired icing consistency)

Cream sugar and butter with mixer (hand or stand). Combine rest of ingredients till smooth. Depending on the consistency of your icing, you can either ‘paint’ your cookies, or just glob on loads of icing. I chose to paint my cookies, rolling on the icing till smooth, allowing them to dry over night.

For the baby shower, I made 2 batches of icing, dividing them into 2 separate bowls. Once divided, I added 1 drop of red food coloring in one bowl to make pink icing, and 1 drop of blue food coloring in the other bowl to make light blue icing. I used a decorating bag with a round tip 12 for the piping.

This is where your creative side can come in! You literally can take this recipe and use it for ANY occasion….Christmas, Halloween, birthdays…the sky is the limit!

Enjoy!

-Mandy