Holidays · Inspiration

A Moment of Gratitude


Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

-Melody Beattie


When Strangers Become Your People

Sometimes, graduate school is hard.

But, it’s even harder when you don’t have your people. A couple of weeks ago, Elissa wrote about diving into the graduate school dating game,  speaking eloquently about how we all long to share history and be known; essentially longing to share our lives with our people.

Recently, my dear friend and former graduate wife, Allison, recounted an experience she had while on the subway in Atlanta, an inspirational story of hope and love and what happens when strangers become your people. As I read it, I couldn’t help but think of all of us on this graduate journey, who are learning what it means to place trust in people who aren’t necessarily known to us. I was reminded of my own graduate school experiences, and the people along the way who were there during the unexpected times. My heart filled with gratitude. I hope you enjoy it. – Mandy


We all have our people, the tribe of folks providing a safety net of security so that we can take courageous leaps that would otherwise paralyze us in fear. These are the same faces that breathe encouragement into us when we are broken and joyously with us celebrate in our highs.

We can live life more fully because of the support of our people.

This weekend I had the opportunity of attending the Allume writer’s conference in South Carolina. On my way home, I stopped through Atlanta for a night with my sister’s family.

As I waited at the Marta station this morning to take a train to the airport, I noticed an elderly woman standing uncomfortably, hunched over, clutching her bag as if somebody were going to grab it and run. Her acute self-awareness clearly communicated this was her first and last Marta trip to the airport.

In an effort to put her at ease, I engaged in small talk about my three children. Her flight was not for another 6 hours, but she worried about this trip to the airport, a ride her children had assured her was a simple process.


The direct train to the airport never arrived. I explained that we needed to hop on a different line and switch trains, but not to worry because we were going to do this together. This overwhelmed her. She did not yet trust me, but realized what we both knew…I was her best option. She had no people.

We rolled our bags onto the train to get situated. As the train jerked into gear, the next few minutes felt like slow motion. My new friend had such a death grip on her bags, she had forgotten to hold on. Her 78-year-old self went flying through the cabin. Several of us attempted to break her fall but failed. She went down…hard. She yelled in panic. Bags scattered. We all jumped to her aid.

A homeless, toothless man locked eyes with me before speaking,

“Ma’am, I may be dirty, but I’m honest. I’ll get your bags, and you help her. She don’t want me touching her.”

I saw straight into his kind heart wishing for a different conversation I knew we had no time to have.

A teenage punk previously entranced by the music on his headphones turned out to be a medic-in-training and assessed her for injuries before two construction workers lifted her to a seat.

As the homeless man gathered our bags and purses, he guarded them with great pride. A sweaty runner who had just finished a 5k offered up her water as I rubbed our shaken friend’s back.

Hips were thankfully not broken, but her spirit was. Embarrassment now trumped her trepidation over this adventure. We surrounded her with reassurance and comfort, little of which was received. The construction workers made some cute jokes to ease her tension before everybody went back to their seats.

I sat in the next row offering her enough space to recover alone, but close enough to jump to any need.

As her head leaned onto the train window, her eyes shut. I quietly prayed. When her eyes opened, tears poured down from underneath her wire-rimmed glasses falling onto the gray shawl draped across her shoulders. Her pale skin was still void of any color. Her hands shook. I understood the recovery was temporary. I asked,

“Is there anybody I can call for you?”

She responded in a whisper.

“They said this would be easy. But it’s not. Unexpected things happen that change everything. This is too hard for me.”

In that moment, my eyes filled with tears. I understood exactly how she felt. She’s right. It’s hard. All of it. So many times when it’s supposed to be easy…it isn’t.

Just before exiting the train, a businessman sensitive to her embarrassment gave her a wink.

“I didn’t see a thing, Beautiful.”

A little color reappeared in her cheeks. Each person in our group spoke to her before exiting, and with each comment her breathing deepened and confidence reestablished. But it was the homeless man at the second to last stop that got me. He looked at her and simply said, “Ma’am” and then gave her a nod.

With tremendous grace and gentleness she uttered,

“Thank you Sir for helping me with my bags today.”

And she offered him her hand. He looked at me as if for permission to accept, and I smiled. He shook her hand, a physical touch meaning more to him than she understood. As he turned to leave, he stood taller…exiting the train with a greater sense of dignity than when he arrived.

Seven people entered a train this morning from very different walks of life and in a matter of moments became a team with one purpose, to support a 78-year-old woman we had never met. We became her people, even if just for a train ride.

Sometimes our people look different than we imagine.

Sometimes they are only in our life for a train ride.

But we need them to get us through the unexpected.

Today I am grateful for my people, both the ones that support me in my daily walk and the ones God provides simply for those unexpected moments when it’s just too difficult to stand on my own.

*reprinted with permission by The House of Hendrix – please go visit!

Wednesday's Weekly Tip

Thanksgiving Hosting 101

For those of us celebrating, Thanksgiving is almost upon us and it’s a wonderful time for us to stop and reflect upon what we are grateful for. It’s a time of hopefully slowing down a bit, eating delicious homemade dressings and pies and just relaxing with family and friends.  However, if you have ever been the one hosting the Thanksgiving meal, you know that might not be the case.

Thanksgiving can be an incredibly rich and beautiful meal to share around your table, but it can also bring an enormous about of stress as you prepare for the big day. We know many of us grad students aren’t always able to travel to be with family for Thanksgiving and end up opening our own doors to friends and neighbors for the first time. If this happens to be you this year, below are some super handy last minute tips that we have found helpful. Happy feasting, hosting and giving thanks!!  -The Graduate Wife team

1) Proper Table Prep 101: Super simple  image teaching you how to properly set a table!

2) Thanksgiving Decorating 101: Check out these sites for some great, easy peasy tips to make your table look beautiful and inviting. (Two more: here and here).  (My favorite is the ‘thankful tree’ idea listed as a centerpiece!)

3) Last Minute Hosting 101:  Great tips on how to prepare to host a party in 24 hours or less!

4) Some Cheap Thanksgiving sides to impress your in-laws

Job Search

Grad Life Voices: Hope in the Job Search


-written by Jennifer, a current graduate wife

Current graduate wife, Megan Lucy, recently finished up a great five part series about finding a job after relocating for your significant other’s academic career. If you haven’t read it already, I highly recommend that you do. She gave some great advice, all which I would have loved to have had four years ago when my journey as a graduate wife began. She shared some really practical tips, and many times, took the words right out of my mouth.

I started this adventure fresh out of college. I graduated in December and was married in May. That August the hubs and I left Arkansas for Boston, where life in the “real world” truly began.

I searched for weeks for a job before we left for Massachusetts, sending out dozens of cover letters, and praying for an interview. I thought my resume was great for just coming out of college. I had an internship, relevant job experience, and a ton of great volunteer work, but apparently, none of those things were enough. I was naïve and really had no idea how the whole job searching process worked. I was likely applying for jobs that I was under qualified for, and became discouraged after just a couple weeks of searching. I felt a tremendous amount of pressure and was stressed when I wasn’t receiving any positive results. My husband had a scholarship, but only enough to partially cover his tuition. There was no stipend involved for his master’s degree, so we were entering this game with little to no financial security. The pressure was on.

As I had spent a lot of time babysitting during college, I thought that maybe I would give that a try in Boston, just long enough for us to get on our feet. I figured that the job hunt would likely be easier when we actually lived there, and decided to put the search on hold until we made it to town.

A week before we left Arkansas I talked with a family who was looking for some help– full time help to be exact. We skyped before I left, met the day after I got into town, and I then started work a few days later. This changed my plan a bit as it was a full time gig and I had committed to work for the family until the end of the school year. I told myself that during that time I would search for other jobs and begin my career in journalism at the end of the year. Well, the year came and went, and I committed to a second year with the family. Womp, womp….

My two years with this family were lovely. They treated me wonderfully and I learned many great lessons along the way. Some days were incredibly tough, but I truly grew to care for the girls I looked after. While most days I enjoyed what I did, I often felt ashamed when people would ask what my job was. “I am a journalist working as a nanny,” I would often say. I felt embarrassed that I wasn’t doing something greater, something more relevant to my preferred career choice. Despite childcare being a challenging field in its own right, I felt like I had taken the easy road by settling for a job that wasn’t right for me. Searching for a job was hard, and rejection was even harder. I gave up before I ever really started. I found security in a paycheck, and put my dreams on hold.

Eventually, our time in Boston came to an end, as did my time as a nanny. We were headed home to Arkansas for a bit and I was excited to finally begin my career as journalist. I set some writing goals and started to reach out to local publications. After a few months of being in town, I was writing consistently and working part time doing PR. My schedule was chaotic but it felt good to be creative and work a job in the field that I wanted to work in all along.

As happy as I was with the way things were, I knew that they wouldn’t be that way for long. Just like that, it was time to move again, and I was searching for a job once more.

I felt a little more confident about finding a job as we prepared to move to Austin. I had gained a lot of great work experience in Arkansas, and I was sure that I would quickly find a job once we made it to town. Unfortunately, my thinking was wrong. It took three months of consecutive work until I was finally hired. To some, three months may sound like a lifetime, it certainly felt that way to me, but according to research, three months is the average low. Some people search six months or longer before landing themselves a job.

Those three months were three of the hardest months of my life. My emotional state was determined by how well my job search was going. If I got a call back, I had a pretty good day. If I got a rejection, well, that day wasn’t so great. Eventually, even good news wasn’t so good. The whole thing made me feel ashamed and rejected, and very much unlike myself.

I feel okay talking about this now because I finally have a job, but a couple of months ago, you could find me crouching on the kitchen floor crying over our grocery bill. Most days I had to drag myself out of bed, and then there were those days that you could find me sitting in the closet, feeling as if I couldn’t bear the weight of it all. I felt so much pressure and terrified by the unknown.

Sharing with you what I went through isn’t necessarily easily, but three months ago, I needed to read something like this. I needed to know then that I wasn’t alone, and I needed someone then to tell me that it’s okay to crumble. Just because you fall apart every now and then doesn’t mean you are a failure. It just means that rejection is tough, and that job searching takes some time, no matter how qualified you are. Things will pan out, it just takes patience, which sometimes is hard to find.

I don’t have any great words of advice on how to get through it, accept to say that you will. It’s incredibly discouraging at times, but hard work does pay off. Don’t get down on yourself when things aren’t going the way you expect, and just keep moving forward. Take breaks when you need them and continue to do things that you love. Don’t let searching for a job rule your life. It may seem like your world at times, but really, it’s only part of it.

Through this all, my dissatisfaction with work in Boston, my work enjoyment in Arkansas, and my stress in Austin, I’ve learned many different lessons about life and myself. Sometimes living life as a graduate wife makes tasks that are already hard, just a little bit harder, but I am learning how to make due. I’d like to believe that this lifestyle helps to make me a bit stronger, and prepares me for what the future may hold. I am more than happy to support my husband during this time; it’s just not easy some days. If you are struggling emotionally like I know I was, hang in there. You are not alone. You’ll figure it out and make it through this, and soon, I guarantee you’ll have a job. Meanwhile, I encourage you to take this weekend to relax. Spend time with the man that you love, and give yourself a break. With my deepest sincerity, good luck! I hope that your job search will come to an end soon!

Job Search

Two Careers, One Big Move: Job Searching When Moving for a Partner’s Graduate School – Part 5


written by Megan Lucy, a current graduate wife

For many of our families, the graduate student is not the only one whose career is deeply affected by the decision to enter graduate school. Partners who choose to re-locate with their student often face a difficult job search of their own. This series brings together tips I have learned from my experiences studying public personnel management, working with hiring and promotion in the university setting, and my own job searches throughout our graduate school journey. The series is in five parts:

Part 1: Building a Career You Can Move With

Part 2: Preparing a Solid Resume

Part 3: Planning an Efficient Job Search

Part 4: Telling the Story of Your Career

Part 5: Maintaining Your Sanity During a Job Search

Part 5: Maintaining Your Sanity During a Job Search

Job searches involve a special level of frustration. They come with long waits, the knowledge that people are judging you, rejection, and uncertainty. None of these things are fun. None of them are entirely avoidable. However, by the third or fourth time I went through the job search process, I found that while I couldn’t control whether a company rejected me, or how quickly they responded to my calls, I could manage my reactions to the frustrations of job searching. I could put my best work into the search, without it driving me insane. Here are some of the best tips I have:

  1. Keep a schedule. Set a specific day and time during which you will work on your search. It is best if you can set this time during the usual workday, so you will be able to be in touch with potential employers during that time. However, if you are working and searching at the same time, that may not be possible. Perhaps you can set aside one hour each night, or a block of time on Saturday morning. Keep that time sacred, and devoted entirely to your search. More importantly, try not to worry or think about the search outside of that time.
  2. Work on other projects. My plan for my first post-grad job search was to work on it all day, every day until I was hired. This is unrealistic. There may be long periods of time during a job search when there is nothing you can do but wait. If the job search is all you are thinking about, the waiting will frustrate you immensely. Instead of worrying, fill this time with something else. If you are moving, you can be working on sorting through your belongings, learning about what to see in your new town, or planning décor for your new home. Do something fun, binge-watch a TV show, start a new craft, learn to play a symphony on the kazoo. Anything is better than making yourself sick with worry.
  3. Lean on your partner. At the Graduate Wife, we talk a lot about being there for your partner during the ups and downs of graduate school. Sometimes it is a lot easier to give support than to receive it. A job search is a good time to work on the skill of receiving support. Speak up and let your partner know what is frustrating you and let him/her comfort you. Let your partner remind you of how much he/she loves you and that your value to him/her is not tied to your career. This is a time to be thankful for being lucky enough to have a partner to share life’s journey with.
  4. Don’t take it personally. This is a tough one, especially if you are leaving a job you like and are well respected at, especially if this is your first search or first in a long time, especially if you are human. Our careers are important, and can feel like an essential part of who we are. Facing the multiple rejections that are par for the course in a job search can hurt your self-esteem and make you question who you are- but only if you let it. I’ve been on the hiring committee side of job searches before too. The decisions that hiring committees make are really tough. They may see dozens of equally qualified applicants. It could be that they have to choose between multiple people who would be a great fit for the one opening they have. Just because you are not chosen for a job doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t have been great at it. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t cut out for a career, or that you aren’t a valuable individual. It means one thing- there was one opening, and this time it wasn’t for you. Maybe the next one will be. Maybe the one after that. There will be a place for you to work and contribute. In the interim, your job isn’t the only awesome thing about you. You do a ton of awesome stuff every day that makes you unique. If you don’t believe me- go ask your grad student. He or she knows how amazing you are.
  5. Remind yourself that the search is hard and long, and that’s okay. I’m not a patient person. I’m the type of person who sends an email and then refreshes the screen to see if I’ve gotten a response yet. That’s not how job searches work. Job searches can take many months, and that’s okay. It’s okay because you want the organization that hires you to have taken their part of the search as seriously as you have taken yours. You spent a lot of time, effort, and thought preparing a resume and application. You want the people reading it to take the time to consider your skills and accomplishments and be thoughtful about determining if you are a good fit for the organization. You want to work for an organization that cares about making the right decisions in who they hire, and that takes time.

Best of luck to you on your job journey!


Job Search

Two Careers, One Big Move: Job Searching When Moving for a Partner’s Graduate School – Part 4


written by Megan Lucy, a current graduate wife

For many of our families, the graduate student is not the only one whose career is deeply affected by the decision to enter graduate school. Partners who choose to re-locate with their student often face a difficult job search of their own. This series brings together tips I have learned from my experiences studying public personnel management, working with hiring and promotion in the university setting, and my own job searches throughout our graduate school journey. The series is in five parts:

Part 1: Building a Career You Can Move With

Part 2: Preparing a Solid Resume

Part 3: Planning an Efficient Job Search

Part 4: Telling the Story of Your Career

Part 5: Maintaining Your Sanity During a Job Search

Part 4: Telling the Story of Your Career

Everybody has a story. Our stories are what set us apart and make us unique from everyone else in the world. The story of your career is what sets you apart from others applying for the same jobs. A story often begins with an outline, has a summary that entices readers to read more, and a plot built around a specific theme. In the story of a career the outline is your resume. Your resume hits all of the major plot points- where you worked when, what you accomplished, and characters- your own contact information, and that of your references. Thinking of your resume as the outline of a story will help you see how things go together, so you can find the theme of your story. The summary of a career story is a cover letter or screening interview. Your summary should be engaging, give a good idea of the overall plot and point readers in the direction to learn more. An interview is your opportunity to fully tell your story, develop your theme, and lead to the ultimate conclusion- that you are the best person for this job. Here are some tips I have found to tell a truly engaging story about your career:

  1. Get your story straight– Everything you write and say, your resume, cover letter, and interview questions should tell the same story. Make sure your outline- your resume- includes all of the necessary information, and is accurate. Double and triple check it. Then, when you write your cover letter, refer to specific information in your resume, and do the same in your interview. Be sure to bring copies of your resume and cover letter to the interview so you can easily refer to them.
  2. Find a common theme– It is not uncommon for partners of graduate students to have changed jobs multiple times while they travel from school to school with their student. While some may think of this as a liability, tell your story in a way that shows this experience as a strength. Try to find commonalities between your jobs, even if they seem very different at first glance. Maybe you worked as a barista, a telephone operator, and sales representative over the past five years. Highlight how each of these jobs made you better at customer service. Maybe you have been a web-designer, a lab tech, and an engineer. Explain how at each of these jobs you had opportunities to build critical thinking skills.
  3. Be Prepared for Plot Twists- Plot twists are those items in our resume that are unexpected and may confuse or concern the reader. In my own story, I have worked for a specific political party. My plot twist is that a potential employer of a different political inclination may see the name of my former employer on my resume and assume I wouldn’t be a good “fit” for the culture of the organization. I anticipate this and re-route the story back to my original plot- that I’m perfect for this job- by emphasizing the parts of my political work that were non-partisan, like helping veterans get their benefits, and working with people of the opposite party to solve local problems. Other plot twists could be periods of unemployment, time off to raise a family, a lost job, or major career change. Whatever your plot twist is, think of ways to use it to reinforce rather than damage your overall story.
  4. Be The Hero of Your Story- Sometimes it can be hard, or feel wrong to talk about yourself. A lot of times, for me, it is much easier to talk about how proud we are of others- our kids, our partner, our friends- than it is to talk about how proud we are of ourselves. Other people’s stories are awesome, and we should be proud to share them, but it is important to remember that, as far as your career story is concerned- YOU are the hero. Don’t be nervous about sharing your accomplishments, taking pride in your work, or talking about your strengths as an employee. In the setting of an interview this isn’t “bragging,” it is advertising yourself honestly, as the accomplished potential employee you are.
  5. Tell Your Story Over and Over- Some of the best stories are ones we can tell from memory- The Three Little Pigs, Sleeping Beauty, Spiderman’s origin story. We know these stories by heart because we have heard them told over and over again. Your career story should also be a story you know by heart. You should practice telling it, so that even when you are nervous, or caught off guard by a surprise interview opportunity, you are confident in how your story goes. A great way to practice is by having practice interviews with your partner (surely you’ve listened to him/her practice presentations enough that he/she owes you one!), a friend, or someone at a local career center. The feedback you get from practice interviews can be constructive, but just as constructive is the act of practicing itself.

Next Up, Part 5: Maintaining Your Sanity During a Job Search.


Job Search

Two Careers, One Big Move: Job Searching When Moving for a Partner’s Graduate School – Part 3


written by Megan Lucy, a current graduate wife

For many of our families, the graduate student is not the only one whose career is deeply affected by the decision to enter graduate school. Partners who choose to re-locate with their student often face a difficult job search of their own. This series brings together tips I have learned from my experiences studying public personnel management, working with hiring and promotion in the university setting, and my own job searches throughout our graduate school journey. The series is in five parts:

Part 1: Building a Career You Can Move With

Part 2: Preparing a Solid Resume

Part 3: Planning an Efficient Job Search

Part 4: Telling the Story of Your Career

Part 5: Maintaining Your Sanity During a Job Search

Part 3: Planning an Efficient Job Search

The question that can seem the most daunting at the beginning of a job search is, “Where do I look?” When I was 16 and looking for my first job, I stopped at our local shopping mall, walked into each store, one by one and asked if they were hiring. It took all day, and I didn’t get a single call back from any of the stores I visited. It was an exhausting and demoralizing experience. The next time I looked for a job, I did my research, planned ahead, and ended up being able to choose from three competing and exciting offers in a relatively short period of time. The following lessons I’ve learned can help you hone in on your best chances of finding the right job, and saving your time, effort, and emotional health.

Lesson 1: Have a goal. This might seem silly. The goal of a job search is to get a job, you might say! Yes, but what kind of job and how quickly? Your life circumstances will determine the answers to these questions and help you set your goals. My first job search as a graduate wife was as a newlywed with little savings. We knew it was not possible for us to live off of my husband’s small stipend, so my goal was to find an acceptable job quickly. That turned out to be a short-term gig as a political campaign organizer that only lasted until Election Day. When the campaign job ended, we were more established in our new home, I had more connections in the community, and our finances were in better order. I could take more time for the next search. The campaign job made me realize that I wanted out of politics, and I decided that as we were likely always to be near a university, that university administration would be a better fit for me. My goal this time around was not to take the first job, but the best job. Knowing that a job search involving a change in career paths could take longer, I did free-lance content writing for a website, while I monitored local university job boards for the right opportunities. Within a few months, I had begun a new career helping faculty members gain promotion and tenure.

Lesson 2: Do some research. This is especially important if you are moving to a new city. You can feel even more lost than usual in a job search in a place you have never been to before. Start by reading up on your new city. Look at their Wikipedia page, city government page, convention and visitors bureau pages. Find the names of organizations in the city that employ people in your line of work. If you are a member of a professional organization, alumni group, or other organization, find out if they have a branch in your new town and reach out through those connections. Check with friends on social media to see if you have friends or friends of friends in the new place. These people may or may not know of a job opening for you, but they may be able to help in other ways, like giving you a place to spend the night when you come to town for an interview, or helping you know what streets to avoid during rush hour.

Lesson 3: Narrow your search. General job posting websites like and may seem like the obvious place to start a search, but I have found them to be exceptionally frustrating and unproductive. Vacancies posted to these sites are often out-of-date, so that by the time you apply, the position has already been filled. Additionally, the sites are often not the method the hiring organizations prefer applications be sent through. Finally, it can be frustrating to sort through hundreds of vacancies you are not interested in to find one that applies to you. I have found that it is much more efficient to use your research to narrow your search to specific organizations you want to apply to. For instance, if you are looking for a job in a hospital, find the names of the hospitals in the area you are moving to, and look for postings on their human resources websites. The postings you find on an organization’s own website will more than likely be up-to-date and include the best information about what the company is looking for. Another place to look is field and region specific websites. Search for your state and field of work to see if there is a network of employers in your field with a job board targeted to your region. Examples of this would be the Kentucky Non-Profit Network, Ohio Museums Association, and the American Library Association. Others who work in your field may be able to give you tips about organizations like these that maintain field specific job boards. If you do find an opening on a job board, whether general or field specific, I suggest doing a follow up search on the hiring organization’s website to confirm that the vacancy is still open.

Lesson 4: Keep good records. Keep a list of vacancies you want to apply for, their deadlines, and where you are in the application process. Keep copies of email correspondence related to your job search, and take notes during any phone conversations you have. Staying organized will keep you from missing out on opportunities because you forgot to apply or lost track of the paperwork.

Up next, Part 4: Telling the Story of Your Career