Monday's Food for Thought

Monday’s Food for Thought: The Busy Trap

After reading this op-ed from the New York Times,  it was hard not to share it immediately with my incredibly hard working, never take a break grad student husband.  The article gave me a bit to think about since I am easily the one to fill up our social calendars and then later get overwhelmed by feeling ‘too busy’ with so many commitments.  The last bit on idleness really struck a nerve as well. It seems almost impossible to practice something like this while living in the time constraints of a graduate student lifestyle.

“Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done. “Idle dreaming is often of the essence of what we do,” wrote Thomas Pynchon in his essay on sloth.”

This summer, are you relaxing or are you crazy busy?


Beauty and the Budget · Inspiration


I read a lovely book once by a lady named Ingrid Trobisch and in the book Ingrid talks about the idea of creating one’s ‘geborgenheit’.  Geborgenheit is a German word that means safety or security.  After some reflection, geborgenheit to me means a place to laugh and a place to cry.  A place where there is space to be quiet and also a place that makes room for noise.  A place of retreat at times and at other times a place of welcoming others in.  It means a place of fulfillment and also vulnerability, a place of creativity, a place of continuity, and a place of peace and familiarity that can offer me comfort from a long day.

Funny how we find ourselves in many different places on our grad wife journeys.  We live in rented flats with other people’s furniture around us, we live in college family dormitories with carpets that haven’t been updated since 1975, we live in huts in the jungle for field research and we live in suburbia with small cookie cutter houses.  This journey may take us near or far, but we can almost all be certain it usually takes us to places that we might never have otherwise chosen to call ‘home’.

I can’t really begin to describe how much our ‘geborgenheit’ means to our family here in Oxford.  Our place that we call home, that we feel we can welcome others into and our place we feel restful and at peace within.  It’s not my dream home in any way shape or form…but I guess in some ways it kind of is just that.  It is a small, cozy flat that my daughter learned to walk in and that my husband finds refuge in from his demanding work.  It’s a place that I work ‘from home’ in and it offers me a warm corner that I can curl up and relax in with a cup of tea.  It’s not perfect, but it has become something beautiful and it offers a sense of continuity that is essential on this graduate wife journey.

I’ve heard it said, “We are only here for a year…I mean what can I really do?”  Or things like, “It’s just so hopeless I wouldn’t know where to start trying to make this place feel like home….I just don’t even like being there.”  Or even, “I want to wait for the ‘real deal’ to really invest in making my house feel like a proper home.”  All of these comments make me sad.  Sad, just because I realize the incredible power that a comfortable and inviting space can offer a tired soul and what it can do for one’s perspective and attitude.  I don’t want to sound too cheesy, but go create your geborgenheit!  Create a place that offers a sense of safety and continuity and peace.  Look at some of the Beauty and the Budget tips or scour pinterest and google DIY home décor ideas to find millions of amazing ideas that can help enhance your space without much effort or money. Don’t get overwhelmed.  Just pick a project here or there. It’s worth it.  I promise you it is worth it.

When I was in college, I volunteered some nights at a rescue mission for battered women.  The place was amazing and I would help babysit kids while the women went to career training classes.  The name of the place was called ‘bread and roses’ and it has forever stuck with me.  I honestly believe we need ‘roses’ (i.e. beauty and order) in our lives, just as much as we need bread for our souls to truly survive and thrive.  I encourage you to stop waiting for something better to come along or for some other opportunities.  Make the most with what you have.  Be creative. Buy a £4 scrap of fabric and make a table cloth or runner.  Pick up some daffodils outside and put them in a vase, light some candles, cook some yummy meals, turn on some music that moves you.  If you see a quirky trinket at the market that makes you smile, buy it.  You don’t have to do a ton, start with a corner or nook and try to make it feel peaceful, orderly and comfy.

I have shared bits of this before in some of the beauty and the budget pieces, and I felt like highlighting it today because recently our lives have seemed really busy.  If anyone asks, ‘How are you?’, my immediate response is almost always, ‘Gosh, I’m just really tired’.  We’ve been traveling, visiting and working a lot…and in the midst of it all I’ve been reminded how incredibly powerful it is for me to come back to our geborgenheit.  To light candles at our dinner table, to sit and eat together, to unwind and to be present and at peace.  My home has greatly affected my sanity on this graduate wife journey (and my husband’s as well) and I hope the concept can affect your life too.  Try to pick up some roses next time you run out for some bread and see what it does for you.

 Do you have any tips that you have picked up on how to make your temporary house a home?  What does geborgenheit mean to you? Do you have a favorite spot in your home that offers you sanity and peace?


{Disclaimer: I suppose the word ‘geborgenheit’ doesn’t have to refer to physical space, maybe an object can offer that same sense of security, but in the book Ingrid highlights the idea of creating an actual space for oneself and that is what I chose to go with here.}