Written by Lauren – a current graduate wife
.
Author: thegraduatewife
Aspiring Kennedy’s Grad Wife Tips II
Aspiring Kennedy’s Grad Wife Tips I
written by Lauren – a current graduate wife
.
My name is Lauren. I’m a Texan, living in Oxford, & working in London. I’m so glad to take a break from my normal blog, Aspiring Kennedy, and be here at The Graduate Wife. After all, our journey through graduate school is one of my favorite topics of discussion!
.
As my husband finishes his masters here in Oxford, we feel very bittersweet. I’ll be sad to leave the idyllic cocoon of student life we’ve found ourself in- but the adventure of what comes next seems to capture my imagination. I know some partners feel that they have to “survive” the graduate journey- but, to be honest, it’s be the sweetest time of our marriage yet. My husband has always taken great strides to spoil me, but I’m also quite capable of taking care of myself! l’m excited to share with you a few things that keep the everyday from feeling routine. They might not be the biggest splurges, but their presence, at times, kept me from tipping over the edge of sanity… and feeling fancy. Stay tuned all here all week!
.
.
Beauty and the Budget: Project Framed Things II
Following Jill’s post on ‘framed things’, I’m excited to share a few inexpensive tricks from my own flat.
1) So, I absolutely love it when I come across a series of prints that are similarly framed and lined on a wall as seen here. Don’t get me wrong, I adore mismatched and funky frame arrangements as well (and many such arrangements can be found in my home) but something about the order and the stability of a few simple prints brings an element of permanence and consistency that is otherwise very hard to achieve.
While being on a budget, it is pretty much impossible (unless you strike gold at a charity shop or boot sale) to find more than one print/drawing and mat and frame that go together. So, I decided to create my own series. I am a huge fan of Picasso and Matisse’s sketches, so I decided to just copy some of their simple face images. You could do a series of your own loose sketches, or even frame a series of fun, brightly colored paintings by your toddler…the possibilities are endless!
I bought 4 matching frames with thick mats at Wal-Mart (of all places) in the states for $10 each and proceeded to carry them back with me in my carry-on at Christmas. You could also purchase the frames (like Jill mentioned) at some place like Ikea or Argos, here in the UK. Although a bit more pricey than other tips below, the only costs involved are the large frames!
2) Sticking with the idea of framing a series of similar items, you could choose to frame postcards, bar coasters from your favorite pubs, pressed leaves from your yard or any number of fun, colorful items that liven up your home. I bought the below frames at Ikea for £3 each and the vintage postcards were found at the local market for 50p each. I dug the bins and found some that had women depicted in different settings, clothing and doing different activities. I have these in my bedroom and I love the feminine glow that they bring.
I also used the same frames to hang some pressed leaves in our living room. Check out this link for a great guide to properly pressing leaves. At my old home in DC, I even had framed pieces of flat coral and dried seaweed from a beloved beach trip and it looked amazing. Be creative!
3) My last money saving tip for lovely but inexpensive framed wall décor comes in the form of wrapping paper. I cut out the little egg section below (actually used on a gift from my friend Sarah) and popped it in this $3 frame that I found at a yard sale in DC. I have the below map of England framed in our flat and it’s total cost was £4. The frame was £1 at a local charity shop and the map itself is actually a sheet of fancy wrapping paper from Paperchase that cost £3. You could find the equivalent at Papersource in the states. I also have the adorable ABC sheet of wrapping paper up on the back of our nursery door to teach our daughter the ABCs.
More tips: Check out these gorgeous calendars which could be used to cut and frame. In our daughter’s nursery back in DC, I found a beautiful old nursery rhythm book at a yard sale and I cut out pages and framed them to line her walls. It was absolutely precious and so original. Be creative…the possibilities truly are endless! Keep your eyes open and frame away!
Update on: “A Graduate Degree in Suffering”
Hello Graduate Wife Readers,
I know many of you were moved by the incredible story of our friend, Katherine Wolf, that was posted a few months back.
She recently started a new site called Hope Heals, that not only tracks her healing progress, but also shares an array of amazing life lessons, tips and stories. We thought we’d pass it along.
It is incredibly inspiring and we hope it speaks to you on your graduate wife journey.
Enjoy!
Cake Baking
Written by Lucy – a future graduate wife
For our anniversary, I cooked a simple but tasty dinner. I had some time before my husband, Grant, came home, so I was just idly looking through our kitchen cabinets and found a box of cake mix. I had never made a cake—ridiculous, but true. I looked at the box and thought, How hard can it be?
So I mixed the few ingredients together, got out my spring form cake pan, and dug up the cake stand wedding gift we never used. As I checked on the timer and peeked into the oven, I thought, This looks and smells really good. Maybe I can pull this off!
For whatever reason [perhaps I neglected to grease the non-stick pan…] the beautiful cake I pulled out of the oven would not free itself from the container.
It stuck.
And stuck.
And stuck.
By the time I finally scraped the majority of what was formerly known as the cake from the “non-stick” pan, it existed as a heap—a mound of yellow goodness—on the overly adorned cake stand. Ridiculous.
It was not pretty. In fact, it was quite ugly. Trying to ice it only made matters worse.
I was figuring out what to do next when Grant walked in and—much to my surprise and pleasure—began to laugh hysterically! It was perfect. Laughter is salve to the soul. Having never made a cake before he lovingly assured me, “It’s the most beautiful cake you’ve ever made me.”
It tasted like a cake—moist, warm, sweet, and thick. We savored every bite as we ate it in hand fulls through giggles and globs of icing standing barefoot in the kitchen together. Delicious.
This whole cake-making process is such a reflection of our lives together.
As we embark on our own graduate journey, we have this awesome adventurous idea of something. In a moment of spontaneity, we set out with determination, learning as we go. Then something ridiculous happens that—if we were other people in another marriage, perhaps—would ruin the whole thing.
It does not look pretty.
It does not turn out the way we thought.
But we laugh.
We have fun through the process. We enjoy it together. And it still tastes just as good—if not better.
Because appreciating the un-perfect, the disappointing, and the minor flaws in our graduate journey is somehow more beautiful than we ever could have planned or made for ourselves.
You see, with us, God has this delightful sense of humor that blesses us in the midst of perceived failure, and as a result, we trust Him more, we love each other more, and we laugh a whole lot more along the way. I hope our journey reflects that.
That cake was some of the best I’ve ever had. And, for what it’s worth, the best I’ve ever made.
In your graduate wife journey, what are some things you have learned to laugh through?
Shuga’ Mommas: Sour Cream Pound Cake
.
When I was living in Atlanta, I had a very dear elderly southern woman give me her recipe for Sour Cream Pound Cake. I was so excited to try to emulate her amazing recipe, and felt honored that she would pass it on to me, so I could enjoy it wherever this graduate wife journey took me.
Ahem.
After dozens of failed attempts at baking my friend’s lush Sour Cream Pound Cake, I concluded that she had left out several ingredients and given incorrect measurements. Part of me wanted to believe that her memory just simply left certain things off the recipe; the other part of me believed that she may have done it on purpose, holding on to the fact that sometimes recipes this good should go to the grave. Tragedy for those of us left behind!
Anyway, after my dozens of failed baking attempts, I finally tweaked the recipe to what I considered fit for consumption. Actually, it’s better than that, and I almost didn’t want to share it…..but, alas, I should not be like my friend. It’s quickly become one of my favorite cakes, even though I’m pretty sure my arteries clog every time I bake it. I’ve limited myself to baking it a few times a year, and it’s a total treat!;
.
SOUR CREAM POUND CAKE
*1 Cup of Butter (note: REAL BUTTER. Not margarine, not low-fat. This will alter the taste).
*3 Cups of Sugar
*6 Large Eggs
*3 Cups of Flour
*1 Cup of Sour Cream (note: FULL FAT SOUR CREAM).
*1 1/2 Tsp of Almond Extract
*1 Tsp of Vanilla Extract
*1 Tsp of Baking Soda
Pre-heat oven to 325 F.
Allow butter to soften to room temperature. Cream butter and sugar with electric mixer (hand-held or stand alone) until blended. Add eggs one at a time, beating after each addition.
In a separate bowl mix flour and baking soda together.
Add the sour cream to the butter, eggs and sugar mixture. Once blended, add the flour mixture. Blend until batter is smooth. Now add the vanilla and almond extract.
This batter will make 2 loafs, if you choose to bake them in a bread pan; or if you wish it to be round, then will make 4 cakes. It does freeze well. Be sure and only fill half the pan with the batter. If not, you’ll have a massive overflow in your oven.
Bake for 1 hour, or until brown on top.
This cake is best served with fresh berries, whipped or clotted cream, and a cocktail cup of coffee/tea.
-Mandy
PS – This may be delicious, but it is not healthy. Eat at your own risk.
Beauty and the Budget: Project Framed Things I
Written by Jill – a former graduate wife
‘
I was a graduate wife for 7 wonderful years and I am now in my 6th year of hubby having a full-time job! YAHOO! Hang in there girls, it does eventually happen!
I have found, however, that some former habits die-hard…like decorating on the cheap…or sometimes not decorating at all (GASP!).
When we moved to England for full-time job #2, we found ourselves living in a gorgeous Victorian home with lots of character. And bare walls. Bare white walls with 12 foot ceilings! Lots of space. So much wall space that I found it completely intimidating. So my walls stayed bare for 18 months. Yes, 18 months!
After a trip to Ikea with a friend, I came home and announced to the family that I was decorating. They told me I couldn’t decorate in the living room because it was the guy’s tennis wall! Not anymore!
I am not an expert at decorating, but I can assure you that enhancing your space (even on a budget) is incredibly important and enriching. So here goes!
Step 1: Find something you want to frame. If I were in America, there is no doubt there would have been pictures of my 3 kiddos in those frames. Case closed. But we live in England and family pictures just don’t normally grace the walls of your living room. So I had to find something else…and that something else had to be cheap! So I headed to my box of scrap fabric that just so happened to match two of our chairs.
*Other ideas of things to frame: pretty leaves from your garden or local park, cool wrapping paper (MC’s idea!), postcards from a place you love, trinkets, the ideas are endless! (MC is posting more on this next week!)
Step 2: Find frames. The frames I used are from IKEA. I found matching frames in different sizes and made a little grouping on the wall (all for under 20 pounds). Frames can be expensive. So if you have time stroll through local charity shops and yard sales…you may find a beauty! It is nice to find frames with matting as well.
Step 3: Frame it! I cut out the parts of the fabric that I liked and taped it to the back of the matting. Simple as that!
Because the frames were all different sizes and I wanted them to look mis-matchy, there was no measuring and obsessing. I just got out the hammer and started hammering!
I threw in a few more knickknacks (some bought, some hand-me-downs from friends) and voila! a wall
that is no longer suitable for indoor tennis!
Beyond Expectations
Written by Bess – a current graduate wife
.
I’ve been thinking about expectations a lot lately and after reading Mandy’s post last week, here goes.
Before I was a Graduate Wife, I was a Military Spouse. I married someone who had to move wherever the military told him. I had to follow. My career, friends, family all took a backseat to his job. Our past couple of years looked something like this:
- Pensacola, Florida—It sounded so dreamy to get married and move to the beach! How wrong I was.
- Jacksonville, North Carolina—In the middle of nowhere. Everyone kept telling me that I should be glad they at least had a Wal-Mart. (words I never hope to hear again.)
- San Diego, California—Going from the east coast to the west coast was a huge culture shock, not to mention going from small town to big city. I had my first child here and thankfully made some wonderful friends.
- Norfolk, Virginia—I was furious to leave my beloved San Diego! Soon after we arrived I tried to make the best of it and started a playgroup and made some friends right away. We settled into a wonderful church and preschool family and had our second child here.
- Oxford, England—Here is where the graduate wife journey began. I have to say that overall, this move was the easiest, even though it was to a foreign country. I have fallen into a town full of amazing people and am so thankful.
As you can see, I’ve been there, done that! I’ve quit jobs I loved, left friends I loved, left houses I loved, and drove away crying from cities I loved. I guess in many ways this year hasn’t been too difficult because it feels like I have become highly trained in many of the skills needed to survive as a Graduate Wife. Some of the things I have learned along the way include:
- Embrace a city, but never get too comfortable there. It’s a hard balance to spread roots, but also be willing to pull them up when it’s time to move again if needed.
- When you arrive in a new place, you need to find friends immediately! Be proactive. They will not come knocking on your door.
- As much as your husband tells you that things will get easier at the next stage of life, they never really do. You might as well figure out a way to be happy in whatever stage of life you are in.
- Having kids far away from home is not easy, but it is possible. Your nuclear family unit becomes very close. Babysitters are a necessity.
- When you move away, it’s much harder on the friends you left behind than it is on you. They have the same life with a big you-sized hole in it. You have a whole new life with lots of new friends to keep you busy.
- It’s pretty darn cool having friends all over the world.
- University towns are full of people who are interesting, smart, and eager to make new friends as well. Take advantage of that!
- You can live with way fewer belongings than you thought necessary.
- Kids are resilient. Moving to new towns, being on a budget, and traveling make them adaptable, interesting, and cool!
- The world is really a small place. Everywhere I go, I meet people with whom I can completely relate.
So back to expectations… you would think by now, I would have learned to “expect the unexpected.” I still slip up. I still catch myself thinking about where we could be right now if we hadn’t made the choices that have taken us all over the world. Although it takes a while in my mind, I always come back to the conclusion that if we hadn’t started this journey, we would be really boring. We would probably have stayed close to home. We wouldn’t know much about all the different cultures we are grateful to know about now. We wouldn’t have friends in South Africa, India, and Australia. We might have close-minded ideas. We might not have such interesting kids. I might have the house of my dreams, the big car, the grandparents nearby, but I wouldn’t be as fabulous as I am now, living in student housing in a foreign country with no car.
So, my advice to you, my fellow graduate wife, is to go into your new situation with excitement and joy. You will make amazing friends (remember to be proactive). You will find people to relate to (even if it takes a while). You will learn that you can easily love people who aren’t anything like you. You will find that you actually don’t necessarily miss those expectations all that much (the big house, the big car, the country club.) You will (hopefully and eventually) learn to love your fabulous, frugal, fulfilling life of a graduate student. Even though you can’t control your life, even though you can’t predict the next month or even week, you can be grateful for the now and you can seize the opportunities around you.
In your graduate wife journey, how do you manage expectations?
Great Expectations
It’s been a loooooooonnnnnnnggggg couple of weeks in our house.
Life hasn’t been easy, and we’ve been faced with some huge decisions that will ultimately effect the way our family currently operates. I wrote in a previous post that I was excited to start a new chapter.
Did I write that? On the internet? For everyone to see? Um, rewind please.
What I meant to write was this: “I’m so excited to start a new chapter, and I want the new chapter to be easier and better than the previous one, okay?”
Of course, I know and understand that life doesn’t work that way. Ever. You plan and plan and plan and plan and plan and then it rains on your wedding day, or you have 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife, and it all becomes a bit too ironic. (Did ANYONE break into Alanis Morrisette there? Please tell me I’m not the only one)!
One of those big decisions being thought out is my current work situation. I work full time. To be honest, on most days, I dislike it. Immensely. This is not how I imagined my life at age 34. If I reach deeply into the recesses of my tired Mommy brain, remembering at the tender age of 16, what I thought my life would look like at the very old age of 34 (and, in bullet points, no less), it would have read something like this:
- Happily married, to a successful handsome husband
- 3 kids running around (and I had them all before I turned 30, maintaining every chance of keeping a toned body)
- House. Check. Decorated. Check. 2 car garage. Check. Vacations. Check.
- Fabulous stay at home Mom, making other PTA moms jealous with my amazing baking skillz
My current life looks nothing like the above (with the exception of the happily married, to a successful handsome husband part). Most of my expectations have been shattered, on more than one occasion, and for most of the time, after the fact, I am glad they were.
But (you knew there would be a but!)….there is one expectation that I can’t let go of, that constantly nags at me: I am not my son’s primary care giver. Which is fancy speak for ‘I wish I were a stay-at-home Mom.’
I am not bitter. I am not angry. I am not resentful. Although, I will admit that in the past, I have let those emotions take my heart hostage, and I’ve said some very mean and hateful things to the man who brought me on this journey. I knew this graduate wife journey would be difficult, but I never imagined the level of sacrifice it would take from me for my husband to pursue his dreams. Our lives seem to have a big ‘pause’ button written across most areas. I know it’s hard for me, but I know it’s equally as hard for my husband, as he watches me go off to work in service and support to our family, fully knowing that I’d rather be home taking care of our son.
On the positive side, in the last 7 years, I’ve been able to work for some amazing companies, connecting with some of the most extraordinary people I’ve ever met. I’ve grown in ways that I wouldn’t have had it not been for those experiences, and for that, I’m thankful. I know that even though this isn’t my first choice for my life, it’s absolutely what I’m supposed to be doing right now.
This morning, as I was trying to move myself and a very excitable toddler out the door to start our day, my husband stopped me and said, “Thank you for all you do to support our family, and for sacrificing your dreams to make it all happen. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it and how much I love you for it.”
I still have so much to learn about sacrificial love.
What has been the biggest sacrifice you’ve had to make in your graduate wife journey?
-Mandy
the graduate wife 
